Zoo

When Janie and I were growing up at our house on Ardmore we owned a menagerie of animals. Here are their stories.

Chapter 1: Duke
We rescued Duke from the animal shelter one day before he was to be put to sleep. For this he was eternally grateful and was the best dog ever. He was a rag-a-muffin of a creature, a mutt that appeared to be one part terrier, one part German Shepard, one part other. He had wiry,salt and pepper hair. He was the kindest, most loving creature you have ever met. Janie and i regarded him as a father figure. When I was in the second grade playing at the playground at recess a small crowd of children formed by the track. I hurried over to see what the commotion was. It was Duke! He had run away from home and was running laps on the track! He had a huge smile on his face. He probably wanted to get some exercise. I miss him the most.

Chapter 2: Tiki
We bought Tiki because cockatiel's were supposed to be the kindest, most loving type of bird. The pet shop owner assured us that he would sing lovely tunes from morning to night and that this breed of bird memorized words and that we could train him to say " I love you" when we walked into the room. Also, because his wings were clipped, we could allow him to fly around the house and bring his loveliness to us no matter where we were. His breed was also known for nuzzling onto their owners shoulders and taking naps.
No.
Tiki was defective. Tiki hated us. He would leer at us from his cage and if we got close he would hiss. He was also a biter, and wouldn't be satisfied until he pecked hard enough at our fingers to produce blood. One day I was changing his cage in the backyard and Tiki flew away. Apparently his wings had grown back. He flew to a tall tree and glared at me for a couple of minutes. Hissed one last time, and flew into the unknown.

Chapter 3: Harry
Harry, the hairless rat was the size of a mango. He (obviously) was bald except for long whiskers that sprouted from the side of his nose. He looked like an old man, all that was missing was a wee pair of spectacles. Harry moved from my Mom's house to my Dad's house after my mom could stand the looks of him no more. At my Dad's house, he flourished from a diet of gourmet french cheeses and organic grapes. Harry was an intellectual. When he felt like it he would unlatch his cage, crawl out and nibble on my father's rare book collection. Aww.
Chapter 4: Pierre
Petey ( his American nickname) came into our hands because my mothers secretary was babysitting a Maltese who committed suicide by jumping into a swimming pool. She bought Pierre to compensate for the dead dog, but the owners rejected him. When we first met Petey he was a docile little cotton ball of a creature who was too timid to bark. Janie fell in love right away. Fast forward to the next day. Pierre's true character emerges. He hisses at us. He pee's everywhere but outside. He. wont. stop. barking. He refuses to listen to any sense of reason. My mom hates him. Detests him. Eventually we keep him tied up in the kitchen, which seems to be the only place he wont pee. We tethered him up to a door knob. One day when he went berserk barking my mom picked him up by his leash which was attached to his collar and accidentally almost hung him. Accidentally...He's still alive now, don't worry.

Chapter 4: The Hamsties!
Our hamster collection started with Hammy. Hammy was a rotund little man, with velvety fur the color of custard. Then came Hammy's wife, Gingurrr. They spawned many a little hamstie...except Gingurrr ate a few babies and a couple of them opted to commit suicide by drowning themselves in their water bowl. These hamsters interbred with each other and had more babies. At one point we had approx 20 hamsters. They were soooo cute!!!! When they slept, they would all cluster together and create one big ball of hamster. Of course, 30% of them ran away. After we moved out of our house on Ardmore, we received a disgruntled call from the current owner, saying that when they knocked down a wall they found an infestation of mutant hamster/mice/rats. I picture them knocking down a wall and finding themselves staring at an army of mutant rodents, all of them a green color ( like the jokers hair in The Dark Knight), glaring at the new owners for disrupting their peaceful world.